The Bengalooru Slonguaze Dictionary

Great stuff I got from Arjun!!!
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A compilation of the latest slang words in the Kanglish language for daily use

Aa? : Universal question tag. (is it? are they? was she? shall we? etc.) Often mistaken by non - south indians as mispronunciation. When an auto driver asks you "Leftaa?" he means "Left, is it?" Variation: "na?" used when the last sound in the question is a vowel. "Koramangala na?"

Adjushtu: adjust. Most important word that originates from the accomodative nature of all Bangaloreans. "Solpa adjusht maadi shiva." "Sir one more banana buying means it will adjusht within 10 rupees." "Sir traffic signal jump fine kodi." "Urgent ithu saar, solpa adjusht maadi"

Bombat : Fantastic, excellent. "Aye hows your car doing?" "Oh bombattagide kanla."

Boss : Term of address. Used to call friends, auto drivers, waiters, conductors etc. Should not be used much aside from among friends. "Boss, one gobi manchuri dry."

Budding: Short for Brigade road Up and Down. bangalore's most popular pastime. (Also Mudding - MG road Up and Down)

Da : Term of address for friends, inferiors or younger people (borrowed from tamil). Rude when used in a non affectionate sense or with strangers. Fem: di. "What da, where y'all went yesterday?"

Deal : Nefarious activity. "Yeno deal maadthaane maga"

Goodhlu : Scam. "India nalli education fullu goodhlu boss."

Gumpal Govinda : Lit: Govind in the group. To blend into the crowd. "I have gone gumpal govinda to see movie"

Guru : Lit: teacher. Also used jokingly to call a friend. "Yen guru, aaraam aa?"

Kachko : Get stuck. "Sorry maga naan traffic nal kachkondiddene"

Kanjipinji : Meretricious object/activity. "Why you're making so much fuss for one kanjipinji job boss"

Loafer : Vagabond, flibbertygibbet. "Thoo loafer, get out I say."

Macha(tam) : Lit: Brother in law. Used commonly among friends, though not in polite society. "What da machaaa, not coming uh?"

Maga : Lit: son. Dude. "yeno magaa, yellidde isht divsaa?

Maneyalli hel bandya? : Used for reckless drivers Lit: Did you tell the people at home? (ie, have you informed your family that they have to make arrangements for your funeral?)

Meetru : Lit: (autorickshaw) Meter. Gumption/cheek. "Yeno, eshto ning meetru?"

Mishtik : Lit: Mistake. Used for errors, leave, illnesses, sudden departures, misunderstandings, deletions, etc. "Yeno nenne officege mishtik aa?

Off : Transliteration from the kannada "bidu" : "I came off quickly" (Naan bega band bitte). "I sat off there only." (Naan alle koothkond bitte)

Oh what a. : General exclamation. "You won lottery aa? Oh what a!"

Simp-simply : Translated from the kannada sum-sumne. For no reason at all. "Aye don’t simp-simply come and dishtrub me I say."

Global Currency

"China has proposed replacing the U.S Dollar with a new Global Currency...


The Wal-Mart Gift Certificate!!"
(Jay Leno)

Hehehehehe

Drink More!! Get Smart!!

"Its like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers..."

Economy - The Calvin way

Gotta Love the BPO's

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee

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SERVICE: "Ridge Hall computer assistance, may I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

SERVICE: "What sort of trouble?"

CUSTOMER: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

SERVICE: "Went away?"

CUSTOMER: "They disappeared."

SERVICE: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

CUSTOMER: "Nothing."

SERVICE: "Nothing?"

CUSTOMER: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

SERVICE: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

CUSTOMER: "How do I tell?"

SERVICE: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

CUSTOMER: "What's a sea prompt?"

SERVICE: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

CUSTOMER: "There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

SERVICE: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

CUSTOMER: "What's a monitor?"

SERVICE: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a T.V. Does it have a little light that tells you when it is on?"

CUSTOMER: "I don't know."

SERVICE: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

CUSTOMER: "Yes, I think so."

SERVICE: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

CUSTOMER: "Yes, it is."

SERVICE: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

CUSTOMER: "No."

SERVICE: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

CUSTOMER: "Okay, here it is."

SERVICE: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

CUSTOMER: "I can't reach."

SERVICE: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

CUSTOMER: "No."

SERVICE: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

CUSTOMER: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

SERVICE: "Dark?"

CUSTOMER: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

SERVICE: "Well, turn on the office light then."

CUSTOMER: "I can't."

SERVICE: "No? Why not?"

CUSTOMER: "Because there's a power failure."

SERVICE: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

CUSTOMER: "Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."

SERVICE: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

CUSTOMER: "Really? Is it that bad?"

SERVICE: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

CUSTOMER: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

SERVICE: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."

Man Vs Woman - The Best one Yet

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University:

In-class Assignment for Wednesday:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his other immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. The following was actually turned in by two of my English students, Rebecca [last name deleted] and Gary [last name deleted.] "

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Au'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

Asshole.

Bitch

--

" I'd like to learn a new language:
Scottish. It's a mixture of English and alcohol. You drink a pint and
end each sentence with 'you bastard'. "

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